It's taken me a lot of years but there are a few things I've realized about my life: --I don't smoke because I used to eat cigarette butts until about age three. --I like girls that look Asian, but aren't actually. Maybe I'll call them Fasians. --I dislike church because Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles was on at the same time as Sunday morning church. I still like Ninja Turtles.